"Untitled Past"


A million years ago it seems,
those memories that are blurs.
Dramatic turns and littered shreds,
and the world is not black and white anymore.
Gazing wistfully into empty space,
drowning in echoes,
longing desperately for the remnants of the past.

As I stared into that snowball,
a twisted, melting oval.
I too saw the flaws it concealed and realized,
they were the same flaws reflected in your eyes.

Just a glimmer in your eyes and...
fantasies allure and thoughts provoke.
Sitting there, slumped against the barren wall and staring into the lifeless night,
wondering how it all began, and how it will be,
when matters take an inevitable turn for the worse,
leaving a permanent, everlasting blemish, a symbol of pain on my heart.

The chances I take, like finding a flower from a field of identicals.
And somehow, I will always end up picking the same one.
I see you differently than all the others.
I am losing myself in the sweet aroma,
as the wind sweeps by and removes the flower from my grasp,
delicately plucking the petals,
"She loves me, she loves me not."

Beyond that looming shadow of a doubt,
is a sliver of chance, hope and redemption.
Hanging on to the final thread,
on the verge to plunge into hopeless despair.

It is the first time in my life,
simultaneously seeing the world as sharp as can be,
and yet still lost in the swirling white, suffocating in utter confusion.
We are walking along separate routes in a separate world.
Too painful for me to say good-bye,
yet also too painful for me to say hi.
Running around in endless circles, not knowing the exit to reality.

A million years ago it seems,
Those memories that are blurs.

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"Vagrant Dreams"


I dream of you,
of your face and your smile,
sleep with hope to dream of it,
awaken with hope to glance at it.

Awaken and those dreams are nothing but ghosts,
doubtful, confused and dazed, I walk up to you.
Confidence faltering, I stumble and slink away,
drifting off into fantasies again.

Whenever I dream, it seems as if,
anything and everything is possible in that world of seclusion.
No doubts at all but then, brutal rips and a flush,
to my heart and all my hopes are drained away.

My simple devotion is shunted aside,
and all I need is a few crucial seconds,
to prove my worth and what you mean to me,
but the harshness of your actions makes it seem like a joke.
The pain you inflict upon me, not physical,
but emotional, and it shatters my heart and soul,
drags me down into a state of manic depression,
and I will never be the same again.

Dreaming isnt a last resort, it doesnt exist anymore,
as the star I wish upon is dull with rejection.
After those vicious rips, I cannot bear to look at your beautiful face.
it breaks me down and glistening tears flood freely from my eyes,
blurring my sight and yet...you still stand clearly through all that excruciating pain.
No matter how hard my mind and body tries to turn back and rewind the past,
my heart is set and I am experiencing mixed emotions that are tearing me apart,
different from anything, ever before.
Life never goes the same way as in my dreams,
and if I could pull down a star each time you made me smile,
I would have the entire evening sky in my hands, just for you.
But the millions of wishes would also be mine,
for each and every time you made me cry.
I am dreaming.

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